I have finally come to the conclusion that the loss of a loved one never goes away. A few years ago, when my grandfather died; I was there by his side when he took his last breath. Moments before, he started to have tears run down his face as he gasped for air...then he was gone.
I still remember it vividly. I was shaken tremendously after he died. It took me the better part of two years to get to the point of when I was alone that I did not think about his last moments or wonder how death will be for my parents and other loved ones. Tonight though I was watching Grey's Anatomy on Tivo. Late in the show, George's father is taken off of his vent and is about to take his last gasps of air. As the music begins to play, I fast forward through the scene and H asks what I'm doing. I tell her I don't want to watch someone die. She reminds me that they are just actors and that its not real, but as I sit there thinking how familiar it all is to me and I start to get a strange feeling inside as I start to have tears go down my face and I realize as much as people say the pain will go away....it never does.
You do think about it less frequently, but it never really goes away!
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I was in tears last night as well, and it takes A LOT for me to cry at shows or movies. I wasn't there for anyone's passing directly, but it still hit me as I put myself in character's shoes too many times. I can only imagine what it is like, and after M's grandmother last month, I hope it's a long time until we have to go through any of that again.
It never does go away--you just find different ways to deal with it and/or realize that they never really go away, either.
I still have that episode on the DVR--haven't watched it yet.
Maybe I'll skip it. Unlike my sis up there, I'll cry over the right commercial!
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